I stand but I'm bent

Dear Heart,

Alhamdulillah, today I feel healthy..
I don't know what happen to my life..
I don't know what I'm doing now
Where am i?..

I'm hurt on both side..
I can stand but I'm bent..

I know this all my fault..
Cuz I hope with all my heart..
But at the same time I'm refusing fact..

I feel I'm losing my mind.

While isya' prayer today,
My previous college sister came visit me..
Ask to pray jamaah..

I feel fine,
While we recite the Quran,
She show this ayah..

وَلَا تَهِنُوا وَلَا تَحْزَنُوا وَأَنتُمُ الْأَعْلَوْنَ إِن كُنتُم مُّؤْمِنِينَ
(So do not weaken and do not grieve, and you will be superior if you are [true] believers.)
Ali-Imran [3.139]

Maybe she catch me cried,
while I was praying on asar..

Am I true believer?
I feel shame..

Allah always there for us.. Do anything to please Him.. He can give us everything.
Make me strong
Ya rab